oops

Okay, so I'm not exactly good with money. These last few days I have been adding up my debts and the grand totals are truly alarming. The last few years have been quite the roller coaster and the real world is coming up quicker on the horizon than I had originally planned. I knew I would have to deal with it at all some point and to my credit, I have ran away from it for years now. I've had some free time lately though, and its led me to understand that... it's time to deal with this shit. I think my only option is to make like the rest of the country: declare bankruptcy and hope for the best. I'm getting all my ducks in a row and then calling a lawyer that will hopefully be thrilled to call and deal with things that I just can't bring myself to even think about.

It really is too bad that you can't just go back in time, just so to do a few things differently.

While looking up lawyers and reading all about debtor's rights today, I also got a few other much more exciting things accomplished. I mustered up the courage to call Chicago Public Radio and and now I have a phone interview on Monday, which makes me incredibly happy and hopeful.

I also got tickets to go with Matt to San Francisco in February, marking a whole year together. =)

Life can be so sweet and sour.

you got me going

So lets all agree that Britney's new album is fucking amazing.

Especially 'Phonography', which is a lovely song about phone sex. The lyrics are pretty amazing, and go a little like this:

"I like my bluetooth, uh oh, button's coming loose, i need my hands free. then i let my mind blow, playing with my ring tone, you got service, i got service, baby we can talk all night."

"there will be no talk of adding you to my plan, thats how we should keep it mr telephone man."

Genius.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmFZTsWg8K4

chrissmas up date

Christmas time seems to be upon us once again and I for one am thrilled. It's going to be hard to top the last few Christmases I've had. Last year, I went home to my Mother's and it was a depressing affair, as my Mom was in a very sour mood and the boyfriend I had brought home at the time was awful, so I proceeded to drink my little heart out until my Mom insisted that she drive me to the train, while I sang Pat Benetar to her as loud as I could.

This year, however, is already shaping up to be better. Matt and I did a little decorating last night, as seen by Sable at the Christmas lamp. I'm also holding out a faint hope of getting a car for Christmas. I've been talking to my Dad about getting a cheap one to get around the city in the winter and he seems surprisingly receptive to the idea and wants to help me get one. But I spoke to him yesterday and found out that while looking for a car for me, he bought himself one instead! Apparently he bought it "with me in mind", but I don't really know how you can see a red Cadillac Eldorado and think that it would be a good car for your gay son that lives in the ghetto. But now it's just so perfect for him that he's just going to have to keep looking. Hrmph.

As for Chicago Public Radio, we have been e-mailing each other for the last few weeks trying to set up times to be interviewed, and now I feel like it's looking grim. I'm not giving up hope quite yet though, I will do that once I know the internship should have already started. Maybe I will just work up the courage to just call them, to plea to work for free.

troy the waiter

its in the bag.

Maybe I'm setting myself up disappointment, but I think Obama really has got this whole thing in the bag.

a couple things considered

I have always been an avid listener of our public radio station, but lately, it's all I listen to when I'm alone in my apartment. Over and over, election this, election that. It's so comforting. I feel like I have a relationship with the speakers now, some voices feel so familiar now that it's almost calming. Although I have to note that there is one voice sadly missing that I always remembered being quite prominent on NPR, and that is the voice of one grovelly voiced old man, with a very throaty tone, I wish I could remember his name... Okay so the point is that I've decided to apply to intern with them. It seems like quite the competitive application process, with essay questions and three letters of recommendation, but I'm determined to at least apply. I'm not sure what exactly I will be doing for them, either just working in the non-profit aspects of it or writing or helping with production. Or just doing small menial tasks would be nice, I really don't mind, anything besides asking what side they want their meal.

Matt and I watched the debates last night, but as soon as they were over we listened to the npr commentary instead of nbc's. Television is just so dramatic and Tom Brokaw was a horrible moderator. He was clearly a McCain man, making an issue of running out of time and the formats of the debate. John was so angry, and Obama just calmly stated his case for the presidency, one that gets better every time I hear it. Since I first heard Obama about four years ago, on a BBC radio program, which made the case that Obama should be the next American president, I have wanted him to run for president. I remember getting very emotional while listening to him speak and I still do, and did last night. As cliche as the "American Dream" sounds now, he really is the product of it. And I'm surprised more of America doesn't really see this, and the huge differences between the two candidates. I feel a bit more secure now after looking at some electoral college maps that show Obama clearly in the lead, and that he has all but secured the electoral vote. I hope this is true, and that they aren't just being overly optimistic.

Although optimism is actually what we all need right now. I think.

a year

It's now been a year since I left London.

I haven't even looked at my passport in quite some time, and this morning I dug it out to use as ID to open up a new bank account. I was looking through the stamps and reading the dates, and then I saw the department of homeland security stamped september 30, 2007, the day I flew into JFK from Gatwick. It was an interesting flight, I had a layover in Bermuda that I was not aware of until after receiving e-mail confirmation on my flight on Zoom, which has now gone bankrupt. So has Washington Mutual, making me once again a Chase customer. That's going to change today though, as Chase and I have already had quite the falling out together.

It seems like everyone is going bankrupt, Wall Street, WaMu, America, and soon me probably.

It's so funny how much can happen in just one year's time.

china

Yesterday, in order to get the attention of my Father, I left him a voice mail saying that I'm moving to China. It's something that I'm even a bit surprised that I've done. We don't speak, all because of money, and a few of my lifestyle choices I'm sure.


So many people have told me throughout my life, "it's all about the money" (but you have to say "money" with a real Italian accent, to make yourself sound like even more of an asshole). I think everyone is wrong, that it really isn't about the mawney, that it's about being happy. But apparently, my Dad disagrees. He doesn't want to share his wealth, and I don't want to hear about his new Porsche, so it's lead to this. Me having to say that I'm doing something so big as moving across the world to a Communist country, just to get a call back. I'm telling myself that I'm not going to call him back, I want to leave him wondering why and how I might be going to China, how long will I be gone? I want him to really lament the loss of his only son, his only child, that he neglects and leaves in financial ruin and bankruptcy, even though he has no one to care for but himself, and plenty of money. But it's hard to resist the urge to call him back, because it's obvious that I just want to have a relationship with him. I'm fine with not mentioning anything financial, I'm content with just talking about our dogs, or the past.

I probably shouldn't bother with any of this shit.

the big meats

ONE WEEK

Cigarette free. Not to brag, but I'm doing it without any sort of gums or patches or any of that shit. It's on my own. I'm just going without.

I've just turned into a crazy asshole. I've always been a bit neurotic, but now I'm just a cranky jerk with huge mood swings. It makes me really fun to be around, so I've spent quite a bit of time reading, and the rest of my time blaming everything on my dog. I thought that after a few days, the cravings would sort of subside. I really believed that after a week, I wouldn't still pine for that first cigarette of the day after that first big meal, but no, the feeling is still glaringly there. I am going to hold out though, in hopes that it will get better, but with gritted teeth.

Thanks, David Sedaris. I don't think I could do it without you right now.

brunch money

After working two lovely outdoor brunches this weekend, I am exhausted. Not really physically, but more so that now that I'm home, I don't even know what to do with myself. I feel like I make myself so frazzled with customers, when I take it personally that sometimes people do not tip as well as others, and that some people are just assholes to anyone, not just me. It' s hard to unwind.

I'm also not drinking for an entire week, and have quit smoking. I am on day 4 of no cigarettes, and I am feeling like it's getting a bit better, but I'm getting sick of hearing myself talk about it. When I do, it only leaves me wanting one. But I know better, I need to reassure myself that I can do this, and have jumped higher hurdles.

So there goes my "unwinding" tricks, sadly. I'm going to start taking a knitting class soon though!

But I digress. I'm getting more tattoos, and that's exciting.


This is the basis for it. I want it to be these two flowers on my upper arm.

I haven't gotten a tattoo in quite a while, and I feel like they have marked periods in my life, and well, it's time to mark a new one.

(in progress)...

hipster?

This is the closest likeness I've found to a woman I had the pleasure of waiting on the other night. She was dining with another older women and two younger girls, maybe in their late teens or early twenties, all definitely from either a distant suburb or somewhere much further away.

After a few niceties and appetizer orders, I came back to the table to be asked if I could be asked a personal question.

"yes, I'm gay", I was thinking.

But the question was a far more surprising one.

"do you want to ask him or should I dear?" this woman asks the younger girl.

"Please don't be offended, but are you a hipster?"

It wasn't that I was offended. But I was already having quite the night and did not know what to say.

I in turn asked her what she would consider a hipster to be. And she responded by saying that I probably have a bike and wear deep-V t-shirts. Mind you, I was wearing a raspberry "deep-v" and I did point out my bike just outside the window, which she in turn pointed out to be the same color as my pen. BUT I'm not a hipster I said. I told her I didn't like the word, and she kept asking me how I pick out my clothes and asking which art school I went to.

Where has she heard this before? It's not that I think the so-called hipster culture isn't across the whole country, but why is she asking me this. I feel like she might as well have asked me if I was a homosexual.

"Oh, look Meg, is that one of those homosexuals I've heard about? Maybe you should ask him? "

"Oh, YOU ASK HIM MOM!"

So I referred them to an article I had recently read in Adbusters, called, "Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization". I actually disagreed with the article quite a bit, found it a bit self-loathing, etc., but I honestly didn't know what to tell them.

Of course, I had a good laugh with everyone I work with over what I was just asked. But it left me asking myself bigger questions. Do I really want to be pegged as belonging in some bullshit faux subculture, so some woman can ask me this, and what am I expected to say? It's not like we believe in ANYTHING. But maybe that's the point. It's all fucking pointless.

I feel like my generation just realizes that everything is pointless, we're completely lost and so is the point.

At least punks have anarchy and yuppy dude bros have that bullshit game where you throw the sacks into that box all day long. I mean, what do I stand for?

This is not to say that if you are say, a straight edge vegan, you are somehow vindicated from it all because you supposedly stand for something. Because when you sign your name with x's next to it with your phone number and give it our 18 year old hostess and tip me .50 cents and when asked about it, threatent to take me outside, I'm sorry, but you're just a douche bag.

intro.

I suppose a blog like this needs some sort of introduction to begin with, somewhere to start, a place to bring context to the content.

Most importantly, I've been meaning to start one of these for quite some time. I think starting it is definitely half the battle, a battle that will only be "half-won" if I continue to write in here. My prediction is that this blog will be used as many blogs are, as an outlet for ranting and raving. I just hope I use it.

But I digress...

I feel like shit from a day of decadence yesterday.